Oregon Summer Heatwave '09

It is 11:30 pm Pacific Standard Time here in Cornelius, OR. And it is currently 84*, according to Weatherbug. While some may find this heat phenomenon an exciting and welcome event, I fear I am in the minority—my personal comfort level for optimum homeostasis involves a range closer to the 50’s or 60’s—which is why the past week has been near hell on earth for this Alaskan girl.

Besides the obvious risks of heat exhaustion and overheating, my heritage involves a couple of pale-skinned nationalities that “blessed” me with an opaque, translucent, ghostly white complexion. I. Do. Not. Tan. I burn. Excessively. The only way I tan is to buy a shade of orange that comes in a spray booth or lotion bottle. Which is something I recently tried, for the first time. (Mixed results, by the way. The color is good, but the aerosol spray, despite its continuous stream, left my legs colored in some parts but also white patches in a random pattern.) However, I still do not see the fascination with attaining a bronze tone—societal beauty standards apparently have little regard for safe health practices. And once upon a time, milky skin was considered preferable as it noted an upper class, bourgeoisie lifestyle that involved no hard labor outdoors under the sun. How I wish those beauty ideals were still true in today’s world!

There is one thing I do not understand, though. I received my lack of melanin from my mother’s Swiss background and my father’s Scottish culture, and yet both my parents earn tans while I continue to go from white to bright red back to even paler white (if there is such a thing). Why did I get skipped over?? I mean, who doesn’t want to slather on multiple coats of SPF 90 and cover up every square inch of exposed skin??

Back home in Ketchikan, this problem is not one I am concerned with often, as it rains more often than it’s sunny. When we receive thirteen feet of precipitation per years, on average, hot days like the ones currently gracing Oregon are rarities. Last summer when I was home between semesters at college, there were approximately seven days of sunshine over the course of two and a half months. Much to my dismay, that situation (which seemed horrible at the time) is the exact opposite of what I am facing during my first summer spent in the lower 48. I would love to be able to sleep smoothly, not tossing and turning is a sweaty, sloppy mess. I am desperate for cooler temperatures. I would break bones for some rain.

And yet, despite its seeming penchant for frequent showers, Oregon has decided to elude us with relief from the excessive UV rays that continue to cross the heavens and pierce Earth’s atmosphere. Which leaves me here, in a non-air conditioned apartment, slowly melting into an ooey-gooey puddle of my former self.

It’s time to move back to Alaska!