ever since i graduated from college 2 years ago, i've been further and further disappointed by this thing called "adulthood" and the "real world"...it's not so much fun. there's all this nonexistent money to be paid to people for trying to educate and better myself, not to mention for trying to stay healthy and protected in a vehicle. that's not even to mention the landlords and grocers; entities which i am able to avoid for the most part since i live at home. it's really frustrating, but the part that saddens me the most is the number of people i used to look up to as role models are not proving themselves thus any more.
first it was my mom and her plastic surgery deal, which is now pretty much over with except for the residual pain and discomfort and inability to lift/bend over. ok, whatever, i can't do anything about it any more. but now my favorite "aunt" has proven herself to be close minded and unwilling to forgive and forget a family estrangement with one of my close friends. (small town drama, i know) it's really hard to be around her & listen to her and reminisce about how in the past i loved to go to lunch with her and mom and listen to the local gossip even though i didn't know any of the names involved, but then today to see her obvious lack of caring and excess of pride that creates this wall and completely shuts out a past family member (even if he's not biologically related). and it's hard to be in the middle, because i care about my friend that's estranged and to see all the struggles he's had and overcome, while having to watch my mouth when i'm around her and her family (even more so now that i'm housesitting for them).
i hate being adult enough to realize when your biggest heroes as a child are no longer worthy of the podium you set them upon...it makes me feel as if no one is reliable and trustworthy, which is a really cynical and pessimistic way to view life. but what are you supposed to do??
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