reality or imagination?

since it's been about 2 weeks since the momentary emotional debacle i was put through/put myself through, i'd like to say things have picked up. to be entirely honest, they have. i had a pity party for myself for exactly one weekend before i realized what an idiot i had been for trying to create a connection that wasn't there (ok, the physical pretty much was but you can't force the "butterflies in stomach" feeling) and went on with life. unfortunately, what then threw a wrench in my newfound content was the irrational pondering of a past acquaintance who had once given me the butterfly feeling...i don't know if it was a need to be interested in someone, a hormonal thing, a resort back to a comfortable past relationship, or true interest in rekindling. in all factualness, i still don't know.

i'll be the first to admit, i'm definitely an idealistic, fantasizing, "what if" type of girl...romantic at heart, willing to overlook another's faults and emphasize admirable qualities (to my own fault). i think i've done that again this time around, in daydreaming about rekindling the past. but is it a character trait i'm willing to give up? even though it often leads to disappointment and heartache, i don't think so. i'd rather dwell in optimism and idealism than in the harshness of pessimism any day! i'd rather set high standards and expectations for those around me and strive to live up to them, than accept lowly behavior as normal. (i realize how arrogant that sounds, but i cannot think of how else to word it and still make my point.)

hopefully, someday, someone fitting will come along and make my daydreams come true...