i'm on week 4 of student teaching. it's been...busy, to say the least. i'm not going to completely rule elementary teaching out, since i'm a "never say never" type of person, but i knew within the first few hours that i'm much more comfortable in a high school setting. i miss my kids' fake swagger & pseudo-confidence, plus the challenge of the academic material they come with - instead of sitting and coloring number 1-10, i'd MUCH rather be trying to explain the concept of algebraic distribution or genetic inheritance patterns. i feel more productive in an hour of high school resource rather than a half hour of elementary (K-4) resource. but, i've got 12 weeks left so i'm trying to not have a bad attitude about the whole situation.
it's not horrible by any means, and everyone has been really nice so far, and the kids are pretty darn adorable. but the principal who is my university supervisor kind of dropped the ball on paperwork that was needed for my upcoming evaluation; the cooperating teacher i work with spends a good part of the day talking about swimming related issues (i coach her two sons, am teammates with her mother-in-law, and basically am interconnected with her family in several ways). which is fine every once in a while, but nearly every day is getting a little annoying - i'm there to supposedly be learning how to teach, not to hear the latest swim team politics and gossip amongst the parents who cause drama. plus, the building i'm at is my mom's old workplace, and the potential for being entrenched in meaningless gossip is huge. i try really really really hard to stay out of it, but i've gone home on fridays feeling exhausted from all the drama. i will DEFINITELY be happy to go back to the high school come may.
that was proven today when i was able to stop by my old room for a few minutes before a meeting; i surprised the 6th period and was immediately hugged by several people - coworkers and students alike. sooo many questions of when am i coming back, why do i have to be gone, etc. darn it all, i miss them! unfortunately it was a short visit, but following that was a brief but positive meeting with the district's superintendent. TOTALLY unexpected; but as the meeting was in his conference room and i was (of course) the first one to arrive, i had to introduce myself and he started asking questions. i seemed to have all the right answers, and feel pretty good about the whole encounter - so, fingers crossed, that translates into a job for next year! at the SPED meeting itself, i was introduced and got several cheers from some teachers i've worked with in the past - it's crazy to think everything's culminating and reaching the point of possibly being hired, and that i've got so many people excited for me to be teaching. hell, i don't feel the least bit ready!!
but, as with all things, i know i need to get over my apprehension and anxiety over having big changes in the very-near future...all i know is, i need a change of pace. i'm done with the whole full-time school thing and working several jobs at once. i'm 90% sure i'm done with coaching but don't want to fully give that up until i really have a good reason to (i.e., am hired full-time) since it helps pay student loans. i'll miss my swimmers for sure, but things on deck with coach haven't been so great lately. enough so that i wrote a 2 page letter for him since he didn't seem to want to talk to me about anything at all. turns out, my intuition was right - he was being an ass because he doesn't want to "lead me on" after the previous summer. i've known for awhile now i was wishful-thinking, but the conversation we had the other evening on the phone was the kick for me to realize that i fell for my ideal of him, that he's nowhere near that ideal, and that i'm actually pissed he would assume i'm some lame girl who can't get over a guy and has to act like a douchbag for me to get the hint. and here i thought I would be the one who would act immature and childish about the whole awkward situation that he created. all i can say is, f*%@king boys need to grow up. as my cousin & i keep telling each other, be independent & be a badass.
i'm sure as hell going to try, but dreaming of a vacation this summer to celebrate being done with school, get some wanderlust out of the way & have some fun without worrying about any boy(s) messing things up!
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