blown away

so, now that october's finally over, i think i may be able to catch up on life a bit. i hope anyways. october was horrible, and i don't mean in a scary/terrifying/halloween kind of way, but because it was just awful.

i started a new class, my 2nd-to-last one before student teaching, & i should be finding it really helpful - it's on emotional & behavioral disorders, which is good timing since this school year, our SPED resource room absorbed most of the EBD kids after their teacher retired. well, the info is mostly a lot of classroom management, which i already took a full 8-wk course in. and the teacher is assigning ridiculous amounts of reading, which i'm not finishing each week. plus the group project debacle a few wks ago, with only 2 out of 4 group members contributing & the other 2 screwing it up, along with a last-minute turn-in...yuck. and although i have my student teaching placement & dates set, which means no stress about that, it's not my ideal situation. it'll be a good learning experience but i REALLY don't want to leave my classroom. and my boss hasn't talked at all about retiring at the end of this year, like she had mentioned last year - so no clue as to whether her job will be available next fall when i will be finished w/ school & could be hired. i'm trying not to worry about that, b/c i am totally ok w/ spending another year as a para & relaxing a bit, having more "me" time (aka, not having to do hmwk every. single. day. or maybe not even coaching.). but, we'll see...that's too far off to think about right now.

besides school, coaching has been awful this month. september was great, leading me to believe that agreeing to sign on for another year and even moving up squads (i.e., increasing the # of days/wk i'm on deck) was a good idea...but, then the high school season really ratcheted up a few notches. coach has been pulling double-duty as both club & high school head coach, which means i  get left covering his practices when the high school team has meets. and working the high school regions meet for 2 days straight without getting paid. i also have several new swimmers in my group due to coach's school visits to recruit new members; some are ok but others don't want to be at practice - and they make it miserable to coach. just like when students steadfastly don't want to be at school; they make it miserable to try and help them succeed. discipline has been the bulk of what i do at practice every day, which is exhausting. i don't feel like i'm making a positive contribution at all, or even doing my job as a coach effectively. also, b/c it's coach's 1st year, he's felt under a lot of pressure. which makes him cranky. which doesn't make it easy to be on deck w/, since i tend to absorb his crankiness & it turns me cranky, then the kids add to the annoyance... i haven't been in the pool much either due to covering & hmwk; by the time club practice ends, the last thing i want to do is hang out at the pool longer to swim. so, physically i'm feeling just as gross as i do mentally. and i'm behind on my 200-mile goal. and my shoulder has been hurting for 2+ wks, due to stress/neck tension & not swimming to work it out. or hiking.

besides work-wise, things personally w/ coach haven't changed. our other co-coach knows briefly about the situation, as she came skipping into practice the other week saying she'd had an "epiphany" about coach & i - so i had to tell her the basic gist of why we aren't dating. hey coach - yet ANOTHER person who thinks we should be; why are you the only idiot who doesn't get it?!? then during the meet we had to work, she asked about setting me up w/ the new sportswriter for the paper (who looks like he's 12 when he shaves. uhm, no thanks.). and my boss the other day mentioned some "really nice guy" who was at her younglife banquet (i laughed and walked out the door). i had left a note for coach in his bag of goodies i made, and the few days during the next wk were rather quiet; he left abruptly at the end of practice the day before flying to anchorage with the high school team for state, which isn't his normal style. i don't know if it was nerves & stress over the meet, or awkwardness about what i wrote, but it doesn't make me feel any better. so i've been trying hard to avoid being in touch w/ him while he's been gone for the meet.

that leads us to today, which is momentous in the fact that ktn is currently in the midst of a huge storm that has produced hurricane-force winds in the straits & reports of 108 mph gusts at the airport. it's rough out there, but nothing too far from what we normally experience during october. people are still out and about if they need to be, and the power hasn't gone out yet. the flights got cancelled a few hrs ago, along with the airport ferry trips. which means, coach & the swim/dive team got overheaded to seattle. he texted asking me to cover practice tomorrow while he gets back into town; i knew that was going to happen this morning but should've bet money on it. then, he has the nerve to ask if i want anything from the mall...it took all i could to not call him a jerk; asking a shopaholic whose happy place is seattle's southcenter mall is like asking a recovering alcoholic if he wants something to drink. it's just cruel. and this isn't the 1st time this has happened - last year he got stuck in seattle for a few days when returning from xmas break. but does that ever happen to me?!? no, of course not! and i would LOVE to get stuck in seattle for a few days, to go shopping & catch up with the cousin! so frustrating. i guess i should appreciate him asking at all, but it's hard to feel that way when i'm stuck in this hellhole (literally; there are no flights & the seas are too rough for any boats), still working on hmwk that i don't care about. the only way i get "me" time is to procrastinate on said hmwk & browse pinterest. i haven't even touched my knitting since last november...

i need to stop griping. i know. i have so many things to be thankful for. here's to november (hopefully) being better...