oh no you didn't!

dear pacific university,

today i received yet another friendly little card from you, asking for monetary donations.  apparently, pacific can't run without my help.  while i'm flattered, i regretfully must decline to contribute to the dire situation you seem to be in, as my experience at your fine establishment has left me in rather dire straits as well.  you see, i was under the impression that if i invested my time and college fund with you, i would get a significant return on that investment in the form of a stable, well-paying job.  well, dear pacific, it's nearing 3 years later, and i'm still waiting!  $120,000 in tuition, room & board, & books, and i'm left with a job that (under AK standards) falls below the poverty line in terms of income level for the permanent fund dividend, and also isn't valued by the company (school district) that i work for.

i recently invested my last bit of hope into another program as a last-ditch effort to regain some of my expenses, and i hope it pays off more than you have.  so until you can start paying me back a bit instead of me continuing to pay your bills, you won't be seeing a dime of donation money.

love,
me