happiness

last night, i stopped by my grandparents' house before heading to master's practice.  i don't usually swim on sunday evenings, but since i coached saturday and ended up skipping out on my plan to swim after all the practices (4 hrs on deck is awful), i needed to get the workout in before chad could come back to town & give me crap for not doing it.  plus, i'm sorta "in training" for the pennock swim this august...

i dropped off dessert early to make sure they had it as i wasn't going to be done w/ practice until after dinner, and to say hi since i hadn't seen any extended family in 3+ wks due to being so busy w/ swimming, school, & work.  grandma & i chit-chatted for a few minutes, but what stopped me in my tracks was her random question: "are you happy?"

so i had to stop and think, "am i?" 

i don't know how to answer that question properly.  on one hand, yes i am.  i have a great job(s), work with great kids of all ages, have a loving family, and amazing friends all over the world. 

on the other hand, i'm super-busy due to work and school, so there is often little time nowadays to just stop and enjoy life.  (case in point: last wknd was the first time i knitted since thanksgiving.  those who know me well enough know what a travesty this is and what abnormal behavior it is.)  my friends are all over the world, and no close ones here in ktn to be able to spend time with (still working on chad, but he's busy too & it's just not the same; our relationship isn't one that i would deem equivalent to those of my nunnery girls or alicia even though we get along really well).  sometimes i feel a little let down by life when i check out facebook and see all these people in serious relationships, getting engaged & married, having kids...part of me wonders what's wrong that i'm not in the same stage in life, but i have to realize and rememeber that i have different goals. 

i'm still working hard to finish school so i can more effectively help the kids i work with.  i would rather spend a saturday afternoon out in the woods rather than a saturday night crawling the bars.  i work with many adults and kids for 10ish hours/day, so often the last thing i want to do is go out and be around more people and make inane small-talk.  maybe this makes me anti-social, but i honestly don't want to waste any energy on things that i don't enjoy. 

so yes, i'm happy.  i can always be happier, and am working on making progress towards that direction.  i can always stop and smell the roses more often, always meet more interesting people and deepen relationships, and spend more time with family. 

yes, grandma, i'm happy. and thank you for caring enough to make sure. <3